A Big Deal Aesthetic
I got a bad ride and it can’t be denied ~ Let Buzz — The Paladins
I recently got a new car and it has brought the joy that is expected after driving the same car for 16 years. My old car was the only car I had early in our marriage, since my wife did not drive at the time and it was a new car sixteen years ago.
When my wife go her first new car someone crapped all over the fact that she got a new mini van but did not get a high end car like them. I found this to be awful form, and made me hold a long grudge against the person.
If you know someone who gets a new car, (even an new used car) or a house (even a small old one) be kind and happy for them. This is a big deal that took months or years of saving and endless stress, they deserve to feel like they achieved something because they have. This is also true of musician and new instruments and photographer with new cameras. Celebrate these new joys, and let envy go, you will get to share their joy.
In the same vein, when your friends get an opportunity to move an work in a new city, to travel to a new place, to retire and leave the city you live, I find that it is better to wish them well and hope for their happiness. They made an agonizing choice and hope for happiness share their dream. My best friend lives in Singapore, and we talk a few times a year but his family and he are happy. A mentor is moving to Florida, it will be hard not to talk about technical issues, but I want him to enjoy those things in life which he has an hankering to explore. I had a great work friend who left to pursue his PhD, he doesn't have time for long talks on books and art, but we do keep in touch. I went through a lot of discouragement in grad school , so each semester he gets a little gift from me just to say keep at it.
Remember belittling someone's big deal is only a sign of how small you can be.